so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize