captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize
