i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize