i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
