I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Randomize
