Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
