He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
