At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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