hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
