So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
