I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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