just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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