Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
