i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
