Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
