she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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