i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
