I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
