either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
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