Where is the hickey?
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
