i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
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She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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