Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
