I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
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