Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity

  (909): View more from California

  Something's gotta give!

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  (909): It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity (909): Something's gotta give! http://tfl.nu/w8ji
  Replies (23) Good night (597) Bad night (1543)
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  (760): View more from California

  Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha

  (1-760): View more from California

  I hate my life

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  (760): Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha (1-760): I hate my life http://tfl.nu/oavx
  Replies (12) Good night (542) Bad night (2930)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!

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  (856): FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?! http://tfl.nu/ganv
  Replies (70) Good night (5075) Bad night (9570)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.

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  (240): I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it. http://tfl.nu/okvp
  Replies (4) Good night (4493) Bad night (968)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.

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  (847): Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out. http://tfl.nu/8l4x
  Replies (19) Good night (4515) Bad night (1291)
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  (510): View more from California

  I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms

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  (510): I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms http://tfl.nu/txtg
  Replies (1) Good night (1086) Bad night (2325)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic

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  (713): I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic http://tfl.nu/5us9
  Replies (3) Good night (4037) Bad night (947)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon

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  (773): I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon http://tfl.nu/rw5r
  Replies (10) Good night (2994) Bad night (1013)
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  (310): View more from California

  so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.

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  (310): so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood. http://tfl.nu/y4bu
  Replies (7) Good night (3808) Bad night (917)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.

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  (862): Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good. http://tfl.nu/j3wb
  Replies (6) Good night (2435) Bad night (871)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing

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  (775): I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing http://tfl.nu/nqjl
  Replies (6) Good night (1002) Bad night (435)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...

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  (404): STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing... http://tfl.nu/ooo5
  Replies (1) Good night (459) Bad night (1111)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.

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  (913): I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point. http://tfl.nu/9lwl
  Replies (3) Good night (1490) Bad night (564)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing

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  (360): I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing http://tfl.nu/tjmj
  Replies (2) Good night (427) Bad night (1150)
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  (226): View more from Ontario

  I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats

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  (226): I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats http://tfl.nu/76ap
  Replies (0) Good night (371) Bad night (172)

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