foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
