Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(361): View more from Texas

She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.

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(989): View more from Michigan

I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.

(1-989): View more from Michigan

You did this to yourself.

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(613): View more from Ontario

You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.

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(562): View more from California

as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(281): View more from Texas

Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.

(940): View more from Texas

Deal.

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(818): View more from California

I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol

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(608): View more from Wisconsin

My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic

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(480): View more from Arizona

I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.

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(607): View more from New York

Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.

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