my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.