I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible