is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
