Texts From Last Night

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  (770): View more from Georgia

  Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.

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  (770): Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird. http://tfl.nu/gky6
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.

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  (402): What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho. http://tfl.nu/a5a8
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  (409): View more from Texas

  It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.

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  (409): It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself. http://tfl.nu/yf3o
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight

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  (703): Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight http://tfl.nu/2em9
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.

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  (765): She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it. http://tfl.nu/h4q6
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?

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  (206): Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them? http://tfl.nu/5y9f
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  #1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex

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  (503): #1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex http://tfl.nu/si5x
  Replies (10) Good night (792) Bad night (3063)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you

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  (612): Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you http://tfl.nu/lizp
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.

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  (859): I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there. http://tfl.nu/fp94
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes

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  (812): Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes http://tfl.nu/54ik
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  (210): View more from Texas

  My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out

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  (210): My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out http://tfl.nu/di5z
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  What kind of balloon animal was it?

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  (503): you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor. (1-503): What kind of balloon animal was it? http://tfl.nu/lyo1
  Replies (12) Good night (1902) Bad night (448)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking

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  (360): thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking http://tfl.nu/sj60
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  (251): View more from Alabama

  THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.

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  (251): THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK. http://tfl.nu/fxxg
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again

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  (240): All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again http://tfl.nu/54xi
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