youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
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It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
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Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .