it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.