Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(325): View more from Texas

I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder

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(325): I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder http://tfl.nu/v6lr

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(269): View more from Michigan

Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina

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(269): Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina http://tfl.nu/v4ze

Replies (80) Good night (5324) Bad night (1176)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"

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(337): Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop" http://tfl.nu/felz

Replies (19) Good night (5021) Bad night (2392)
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(325): View more from Texas

When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous

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(325): When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous http://tfl.nu/im9q

Replies (26) Good night (857) Bad night (4448)
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(602): View more from Arizona

She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.

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(602): She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section. http://tfl.nu/g47a

Replies (44) Good night (2064) Bad night (6089)
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(313): View more from Michigan

Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight

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(313): Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight http://tfl.nu/29c9

Replies (30) Good night (6177) Bad night (728)
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(302): View more from Delaware

You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics

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(302): You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics http://tfl.nu/cuw1

Replies (2) Good night (3589) Bad night (634)
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(905): View more from Ontario

If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.

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(905): If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too. http://tfl.nu/2teh

Replies (21) Good night (1122) Bad night (4277)
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(510): View more from California

no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.

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(510): no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her. http://tfl.nu/kcyk

Replies (15) Good night (4992) Bad night (1199)
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(805): View more from California

She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.

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(805): She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds. http://tfl.nu/ggeo

Replies (4) Good night (1534) Bad night (569)
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(616): View more from Michigan

Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.

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(616): Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing. http://tfl.nu/tiqf

Replies (2) Good night (1248) Bad night (443)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.

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(931): i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman. http://tfl.nu/vuix

Replies (11) Good night (1313) Bad night (768)
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(770): View more from Georgia

I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.

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(770): I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle. http://tfl.nu/skko

Replies (0) Good night (843) Bad night (329)
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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?

(1+44): View more from

Which pub are you in?

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(+44): Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon? (1+44): Which pub are you in? http://tfl.nu/p4a0

Replies (6) Good night (796) Bad night (282)
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(407): View more from Florida

so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing

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(407): so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing http://tfl.nu/s8vo

Replies (2) Good night (218) Bad night (379)

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