i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere