She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
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Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.