i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
