The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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