We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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