Having a random hookup so left but love u
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
