She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
