last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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