Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
