Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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