i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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