So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
