Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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