i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
