so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Randomize
