I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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