drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
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