You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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