sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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