she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize