Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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