My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You are a genius and a whore.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
