Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
