all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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