she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
