can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
