i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
