Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
