nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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