wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
The beer is more important than you right now.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
