Who did Billy Mays play for?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
