I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
