hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
