3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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