I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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