Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We don't watch enough power rangers
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
