you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
