how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Randomize
