Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I'm like, not good at living.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
