come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
