Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
