But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
