She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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