at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
