i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize