Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
