My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
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