I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
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