It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
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