We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
