so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
