Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
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my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
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Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.