I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
