If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Omg the world wants us to be better people