i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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