we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf