You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
