I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
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Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
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I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
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